I don’t post jokes often, but during our political talk at work, a co-worker told me this and I found it quite funny.
Q: An Irishman, a Portuguese, and a Greek go into a bar and have a round of drinks. Who pays?
A: The German.
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying.
“Come on man. I was just giving you a hard time,” the biker says. “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs.
“I can’t do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I grabbed a cab home. But, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.”
I can’t remember where I found this at, but I found it funny 
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
Continue Reading..
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Continue Reading..
This was submitted by a guy that purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary.
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL! Continue Reading..
SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on American Airlines.
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
“What are my choices?” John asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 Continue Reading..
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.”
1 When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough
2 When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
3 When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
4 When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
5 When you take a stand, you’re being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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© Copyright 2007-2012 Shane Holden
All Rights Reserved.
