Family photos are one of those things that everyone should always put more effort in on trying to make as many as possible, as often as possible. My family wasn’t the best at doing that, and sometimes they were last minute, but the ones that we do have, I just absolutely love.
What you see in the pictures below, is a canvas print of the last family photo I took before Mom passed away, courtesy of Easy Canvas Prints. It was taken on a Dad’s 60th birthday, on a complete whim.
This beauty is now hanging in a prominent place so that anyone that is over can see it. Everyone that’s seen it so far is amazed at the quality, and at how much nicer and unique it looks versus just framing a picture. The quality is unreal—the pictures don’t even do it justice. I had never seen a canvas print up close and in person, but this definitely won’t be my last one. And for someone that has a hard time with gifts, this is the perfect answer!
Today my Dad wanted us to go down to Acworth and visit our Aunt and Uncle—my Mom’s oldest sister. They talk often, and I think it helps each of them to stay in contact and talk about old times. There’s was some dresses and other clothes that one of Mom’s close friends had given her a few weeks before she died that she had planned on wearing to church, or possibly even her next class reunion or other gathering. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but we sometimes hang clothes on the top frame of some doorways, or closet doors, just whatever is convenient at that very moment until room can be made for them inside the closet. These clothes had been hanging there where Mom had put them, undisturbed—until today. Dad wanted to give them to our Aunt to see if she wanted any of them, and for those that she couldn’t wear or just didn’t want, she would take to a church where someone that could use them could have them.
We’re having a Thanksgiving get together at my brother’s house with my Mom’s side of the family in a little bit. Something that’s not happened since we were kids, because of life.
A year ago today, you took away from me one of the only people that will ever love me unconditionally throughout my entire life. You took away from me one of the only people that was always there for me when I needed to talk or needed a hug no matter what. You took away one of the only people that knew where my heart was in life and wanted even more than she wanted to get well for me to find it. You took away one of the only people at home that would actually listen to me with their full and undivided attention.
You are in part to blame too for any resentment or hurt feelings that now exists between anyone in my family, for without you taking Mom, that would have never happened. I hope you’re happy, because I hate you with every ounce of my being.
I miss you so much Mom—today and every day.
Yesterday morning, my oldest brother gave me a call about taking Dad to the ER. Dad’s been progressively worse over the past few weeks, with the past 3-4 days just feeling horrible. I agreed that he should go if he would, but only with the understanding that his appointment next Tuesday with the GI would not get cancelled in the process. Meeting them in the parking lot, Dad was having some very bad pains, and holding his stomach like he has been for the past few days. He was miserable.
Walking into the Emergency Room was very hard for me. 7 months prior I walked in there for the first time and received an event that still effects me to this day. I don’t like the ER, or any hospital for that matter. I don’t like the atmosphere. I don’t like the possibilities. I just don’t like it.
It’s indescribable trying to explain what it feels like for Mother’s Day to be here, and not be able to see your Mom. It’s something you cannot be sure what it’s like until you’re there. I’m there and I hate it. I hate it for my brothers. I hate it for me. I hate it for anyone that ever has to spend this day without their Mom. I thought alot today about a friend of mine that misses her Mom alot, too. The only thing that makes days like today easier, is spending the day with my family, and knowing that I have friends that care enough to send me a message wishing me a great day or hoping that we’re doing okay today.
I’d give anything to have been able to give Mom another card like last year’s again this year. Last night Chase and I stopped to pick up a Mother’s Day card for our Grandma. I could stand and read cards forever, but it’s an extremely sad feeling to be standing in the isle, reading cards that are from son to mother, and knowing that won’t happen any more. I always avoid the funny cards for holidays like today. I like cards that have words that are spoken directly from the heart and carry tons of love and feelings with them. Those are the ones that truly capture the reason we celebrate this day.
Worrying is bad, it really is, but it is human. You have to worry, you have to feel, you have to care, or else life would almost seem worthless. Worrying simply means you care. No one worries for the fun of worrying, because there is no fun in it at all!
I worry about Dad, alot. He misses Mom so much. I can tell by not having her to call and talk to through the day that he is lonely, because we talk more now than we ever have. He visits the cemetery almost weekly, if not a couple of times a week if he goes to McCaysville. I would guess that he’s stopped by and visited over 75 times if you count any multiple stops in the same day. It hurts to know that he hurts and misses her that much, but it also comes with it’s bitter-sweetness of seeing that love like that truly does exist in the world.
Saturday – Dad learned about a carshow happening in Ducktown, TN a few weeks ago, and had been talking to someone that was organizing it about entering his ’69 Camaro in it. It was put off one week due to rain, but honestly couldnt’ have occurred on a better day. It was a bit windy, but nice and sunny out. Without trying to be bias, I really think my Dad should have one in the “Original” class, instead of a Dodge Viper that was one of the 5 to place in that class. Dad’s Camaro really should have been in an “Original/Unrestored” class instead. I mean, a stock ’96 or 97 ‘Viper versus an all original unrestored ’69 Camaro SS 396/375hp, which would you pick? But even without winning, it was fun. This was the first time in years and years that we’ve all went to a show together. The best part was getting to spend the day with my Aunt & Uncle that I don’t get to see very often. They have a place up there that they stay at pretty often, so we hung out with our Aunt and made some lunch for everyone. We talked and talked, and laughed like crazy about some things. It was good again to spend time with her, especially since she’s so much like Mom.
“Parent’s headstone,” that’s two words that I would have never expected to be saying or thinking about for years to come, yet here I am now.
It finally came in last week, and this afternoon Chase and I road out to Chatsworth to take a look at it. We’re supposed to take a look at it before they take it to McCaysville and set it in place. It was in a fenced in area so we were only able to look at the most important side of it from a distance, although the back will have some things on it as well. I honestly don’t think that we could have picked out a more perfect stone. This exact stone was the one at the funeral home as you walked in. When we all first saw it, we knew that it was the one. The cabin on it is a touch that really touches all of us, because it was Mom’s dream to have their cabin finished so that my parents could spend the rest of their lives together in it. It (their cabin) has not changed at all since the last day that my Mom and Dad were up there working on it, but I know one day we will finish it. Dad said Mom made him promise her one of the last times they were there, that if something were to happen to her, that he would still finish it. So we will.
Christmas in my adult life was never about presents, never about what I was going to get or any built-up excitement over receiving material things. Of course I was always grateful for anything that I did receive, but that was never what Christmas was about for me. Christmas was the time of year that never changed in which our family would get together. That’s what made it special. The day that no matter what, wouldn’t be missed by anyone.
When we were growing up, my Mom’s side of the family would all go to her Mother’s place on Christmas Day, and Thanksgiving as well. I can barely remember any of it now to be honest. It was always a large sized group, my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, pretty much everyone. She had an apartment off of Murray Ave, that even with the fact that it was a small place, worked perfectly.
If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
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