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Somber Day

I wouldn’t doubt that every one of us dreamed about Mom last night.  Right now I was supposed to be sitting in a waiting room, worrying about her as she had her surgery.  For this was supposed to be the day.  The day that she was supposed to endure another operation to be healed of the horrible cancer and give us many more years with her.  The day that we could walk into the hospital room and feel the happiness and love from her and us fill the room from seeing each other again afterwords.  The day from which my Mom & Dad would start making special plans for their 40th wedding anniversary next July.  The day that I would thank God for giving my family a second miracle in a single year.  But that’s just the way that I thought things were supposed to happen, not Him.  Perhaps the surgery wasn’t going to go well, or they were going to have complications.  Perhaps life afterwords would have been miserable for Mom.  Or perhaps even worse.

I can’t help but want to think that maybe that’s why.  Maybe in the grand scheme of things, shattering our hearts was the better thing for Mom, rather than any of the horrible possibilities that might have been.  I can’t say that makes me feel much better right now, but maybe someday it will.  Maybe someday my dreams will just help remind me of Mom, rather than convince me that she is alive until I start getting out of bed and realize it’s not true.