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Does It Ever Stop Raining?

I had no idea going into this week that I would experience another “worst day of my life.”  I mean after all, it seemed very unlikely that something could top learning that your mother had a very large brain tumor.  But as luck and life would have it, I believe it has at least been equaled, if not topped.  Which is something I certainly didn’t need, nor did anyone else in my family.

Our dog Jake, has become almost inseparable from Mom since she returned home earlier this year from her surgery.  We’ve all heard stories, or have seen on TV, where dogs have helped identify people that may have illness that they’re unaware of, or something of that nature.  Well Jake will walk up to Mom while she’s on the couch, either asleep or awake, and nudge her hand, as if he is checking on her.   He’s constantly and consistently seeing about her.  Mom told me one day that she thinks that maybe Jake somehow knows something may be wrong with her.  I tried to brush it off with something like “Nah, he just loves you,” while cautiously thinking that she could be right.  Sometimes animals just know things or can sense things that we don’t.

To make a long story short, Monday Mom had an exam that showed that she has Colon Cancer.  They weren’t sure the full extent of it and had her go back for a CT Scan on Wednesday.  Thursday came with no report of their findings, and from what I had heard earlier today, it would be Monday before they would be calling back.  Which was worrysome to no end as the length of time for a callback was growing.  It turns out that they called my SIL sometime this evening, and my brother and her was waiting on all of us to get together before we let our parents know.

To see my Mom’s face as my brother told them just completely shattered my heart.  We’ll find out the exact specifics more on Monday when she goes to the doctor again.  But what we do know is that the tumor(s) is larger than they had originally thought.  She will probably have to undergo Chemotherapy and/or Radiation to try to shrink the tumor some before they would even feel like surgery could be done safely without spreading the cancer.

At this point I’m both heartbroken and angry, all at the same time.  Heartbroken for obvious reasons, and angry because we don’t deserve this.  She doesn’t deserve this.  Last time we were given a miracle, and I can’t do anything but hope and pray that God gives us one more.