Mother’s Day was appropriately gloomy yesterday. The day started off by waking up to the alarm going off, but being so tired and the rain sounding so good that I overslept past when I wanted to wake up. It felt good though. Dad ran up to CVS to get his Mom a card, and let us all sign it with him. I love reading cards in the stores, but not so much around Mother’s Day. It tends to really aggravate my feelings and make me realize even more so than I do on a daily basis(if that’s even possible), what I’ll miss out on for the rest of my life, making Mother’s Day special for Mom. I see the card that Chase and I gave Mom on her last Mother’s Day nearly every day. It’s laying on a shelf near the back doors, in plain sight, with ‘Mom’ and a squiggly line underneath it written in a bold black sharpie marker. To this day I can nearly tell you word for word what it says, even though I just don’t have it in me to open it and read it again. That’s because I can only imagine how wonderful it made Mom feel that morning when she found it near the coffee pot, and me reading it would somehow take away from what it did that morning. Or atleast in my mind it would. We did get to spend most of the day with our Dad and brother, and I think that helped soften the loneliness of the day.
Sing in the shower. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated. Watch a sunrise at least once a year. Leave the toilet seat in the down position. Never refuse homemade brownies. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Plant a tree on your birthday. Learn 3 clean jokes. Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full. Compliment 3 people every day. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Leave everything a little better than you found it. Keep it simple. Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know. Floss your teeth. Ask for a raise when you think you’ve earned it. Overtip breakfast waitresses. Be forgiving of yourself and others. Say, “Thank you” a lot. Say, “Please” a lot. Avoid negative people. Buy whatever kids are selling on card tables in their front yards. Wear polished shoes. Remember other people’s birthdays. Commit yourself to constant improvement. Carry jumper cables in your truck. Have a firm handshake. Send lots of Valentine cards. Sign them, “Someone who thinks you’re terrific.” Look people in the eye. Be the first to say hello. Use the good silver. Return all things you borrow. Make new friends, but cherish the old ones. Keep a few secrets. Sing in a choir. Plant flowers every spring. Have a dog. Always accept an outstretched hand. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life. Wave at kids on school busses. Be there when people need you. Feed a stranger’s expired parking meter. Don’t expect life to be fair. Never underestimate the power of love. Drink champagne for no reason at all. Live your life as an exclamation, not an explanation. Don’t be afraid to say, “I made a mistake.” Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” Compliment even small improvements. Keep your promises no matter what. Marry for love. Rekindle old friendships. Count your blessings. Call your mother.
H. Jackson Brown Jr.
Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.C.S. Lewis
It’s been one of those weeks where you have to look at everything that’s happened, how well you know some people, what you’ve heard and what you’re smart enough to believe or disregard, and make the best decision you can make to avoid becoming collateral damage, but at the same time avoid compromising your integrity. To this guy, keeping my integrity is worth more than anything else. Sadly, there’s not that many people around that will say that same thing anymore.
I think that’s the best way to describe how I feel. I look forward to the weekends coming to then just to look forward to the work week coming. It’s a vicious cycle. I think it being Winter now plays into that a little bit, since I’m cold natured, there’s just not alot of things to do outside that is appealing. But all in all, I’m just burned out of life as it is.
I recently ran across something called the Trans-America Trail. It reads and looks like one of those adventures that fuels the fire inside of you to really live life. Basically it’s close to a month of seeing parts of the country, on roads that are the roads less traveled, and having the time of your life while doing so. This is exactly what the doctor has ordered. If my responsibilities are willing, I’m doing this, soon.
Christmas this year was quite a lot like last year, in that we didn’t do all that much. We all went down to Billy’s for dinner and spent a few hours with them. Chase and I stayed with them after Dad and my Grandma left, and rode with them down towards Acworth to visit our Aunt and Uncle. All in all, it was a nice day spent with family—the way it should be.
Today my Dad wanted us to go down to Acworth and visit our Aunt and Uncle—my Mom’s oldest sister. They talk often, and I think it helps each of them to stay in contact and talk about old times. There’s was some dresses and other clothes that one of Mom’s close friends had given her a few weeks before she died that she had planned on wearing to church, or possibly even her next class reunion or other gathering. I don’t know if anyone else does this, but we sometimes hang clothes on the top frame of some doorways, or closet doors, just whatever is convenient at that very moment until room can be made for them inside the closet. These clothes had been hanging there where Mom had put them, undisturbed—until today. Dad wanted to give them to our Aunt to see if she wanted any of them, and for those that she couldn’t wear or just didn’t want, she would take to a church where someone that could use them could have them.
A couple of weeks ago, Chase and I were asked why we don’t drink. Being our age and not drinking, and especially throwing in the fact that we have never drank, is a huge rarity in society today. I’m proud of it. I’m proud of the fact that I don’t feel like I have to do something and give in to peer pressure in order to fit in or have friends.
There’s no nightmare stories or memories of others drinking. It’s just a complete personal decision. My parents were never like “you better not ever drink” or anything like that. In fact, I never remember even having a discussion about it at all. I’ve never had the desire to, and as bad as things could ever be, I’m extremely confident that I will never have the desire to, ever. It’s a harder path to take, if you want to consider the ridicule you’ll get from the occasional “friend” or in-law, but I prefer to be 100% coherent 100% of the time.
It’s true—I’m an observer, a listener, a thinker.
I’ve been in a downer of a mood for the past several weeks. I’ve been trying to grasp what life is really about, but keep coming up empty handed. We live, we work, we die, we become forgotten. Maybe in the middle of two of those somewhere, we love, but almost always before we die, we become alone. All of this happens relatively quickly if you look back in retrospect and realize how quickly the years that are contained within your age have seemed to pass almost within the blink of an eye. The pains of yesterday, today, and tomorrow will someday be nonexistent any longer. The pains of yesterday are supposed to be something that make us stronger, but often leave us broken and scarred. Those pains of today mean nothing to some…to most. The pains of tomorrow we ignore in the hopes that they will not come to pass.
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
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© Copyright 2007-2012 Shane Holden
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